📰 BREAKING NEWS: Historic US–China Trade Deal Signed… Somehow

In a shocking turn of events, the United States and China have officially agreed to a brand-new trade framework, described by experts as “A masterpiece of saying a lot while saying absolutely nothing.”

The agreement was signed after 14 hours of negotiation, 3 coffee shortages, and one emotional support panda plushie.

📌 Key Terms of the Deal Include:

China will reduce exports of confusing assembly instructions to only 98% of products.
The US agrees to stop calling everything ‘Made in China’ with dramatic sighs.
Both sides promise to pretend not to spy on each other, but like… only pretend.
Each trade dispute will now be settled by a best-of-three Rock-Paper-Scissors match, officiated by someone’s confused uncle.

Bessent announced the deal while flipping through pages like a student who didn’t read the assignment:

“We have a framework.
It has parts.
Those parts connect.
I guess.
Anyway, thank you.”

Reporters asked for more details but were instead handed a PowerPoint slide with one word: “Synergy.”

🎤 Statements From Both Sides

US Representative:

“We believe this deal will improve cooperation, reduce tension, and make TikTok dances slightly more understandable.”

Chinese Representative:

“Honestly, we just wanted lunch. They kept talking. Please let us go home.”

📈 Market Response

The stock market immediately skyrocketed, then crashed, then rose again, because… why not?
Cryptocurrency reacted by inventing 4 new coins all named after pandas.

One is literally called “PANDABUX.”
It is already valued higher than your savings.

🧍 Public Reaction

Group	Reaction
Americans	“Cool. But can we get cheaper iPhones?”
China	“Can we please stop having Zoom calls at 3 AM?”
The Rest of the World	“We were not involved. Stop tagging us.”

🎯 Final Takeaway

This historic trade deal proves that when two global superpowers come together with mutual respect, dedication, and international maturity…

They still have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

📌 Disclaimer:

This is 100% sarcastic, fictional, and fake news made for humor. Nothing here is real. 😄