In a dazzling display of diplomatic drive-by, President Donald Trump has exited the ASEAN Summit in Malaysia, leaving behind a trail of unanswered trade questions, a ceasefire photo op, and several Southeast Asian leaders wondering if they just attended a summit or a reality show cameo.
🎠Highlights from the Trump ASEAN Tour:
- Ceasefire Signed, Trade Ignored: Trump oversaw a peace deal between Thailand and Cambodia, which was great—except it had nothing to do with the actual trade issues ASEAN came to discuss.
- Tariffs Still Looming: Semiconductor tariffs and transshipment concerns? Not addressed. But hey, at least there were handshakes and photo ops.
- Exit Strategy: Trump departed for Japan mid-summit, presumably to find a country that doesn’t ask so many questions about trade.
🤹‍♂️ Southeast Asia’s Reaction:
- Malaysia: “We got a ceasefire and a handshake. That’s… something?”
- Vietnam: “So… about those semiconductor tariffs?”
- Cambodia & Thailand: “We’re at peace now, but also still broke.”
- Everyone Else: “Did he just leave mid-sentence?”
📦 Trump’s Trade Toolkit Includes:
- A Sharpie
- A stack of unsigned trade agreements
- A map of Southeast Asia with “TBD” written over half the region
- A souvenir T-shirt that says “I came, I saw, I vaguely gestured”
🧠Lingering Questions Include:
- Will the U.S. actually follow through on trade promises?
- Is “Art of the Deal” now just a coloring book?
- Was the summit just a warm-up for a golf game?
⚠️ Disclaimer:
This satirical piece is for entertainment purposes only. No actual trade deals were harmed in the making of this article. If you’re a diplomat, economist, or someone who takes summits seriously—please consult official sources before panicking.